13 November 2008

Please Look at Your Backups!

Dear Clinton Portis,

Are you better yet? We need you to play on Sunday night for many different reasons. Here they are:

1. For the love of God, please look at your backups! Your backups aren't as good as you. Also, I've never heard of ONE player having FOUR backups! That's pretty sweet. You should see if you can get them to cover for you outside of games, too. If you can't show up for an Eastern Motors commerical shoot, just ask Mike Sellers to take your place, for example. I'm sure that he can sing that annoying jingle just as well as you can.

2. Your yards-per-season record. Come on, you almost have 1000 yards! How are you ever going to beat Eric Dickerson's record if you don't play in every game? To beat his record you currently need to get 159 yards per game, including this one. If you don't play in this game, that jumps up to about 185 yards. That doesn't seem quite as doable.

3. This. Is. Dallas. Come on, please play? We HAVE to beat the Cowboys! Are you willing to sit on the sidelines and watch us potentially lose? We're honoring Darrell Green and Art Monk at this game. If we lose because you didn't play, I have it on good authority (or do I?) that they might sprain your other MCL. Just sayin'.

In conclusion, you should play, but the team should continue to tell the media (and the dirty Cowboys) that you aren't playing so that you'll surprise everyone...especially Dallas.

Get Well Soon!


No comments: