19 November 2008

Paint My SUV!

Dear Jim Zorn,

What the hell, man? We lost to Dallas because you didn't hate them enough. It's like you just stood back there on the sidelines going, "Well, boys, we beat them last time so it's their turn to beat us. Now stop intercepting Romo's passes!" I don't mind telling you, Coach, that that is not a great gameplan. In fact, it's a terrible one.

It's bad enough that Redskin fans have to deal with seeing Cowboys fans everywhere we go. We shouldn't have to lose to them, too! I mean, sure we beat them in some areas; like you are a much better looking coach than Wade Phillips. Jason Campbell generally doesn't look as foolish as Tony Romo, Terrell Owens is a much bigger jerk than any of the Redskins, blah blah blah.

But that doesn't change the fact that we scored fewer points and lost the game. I'm pretty displeased and I think that you know it. Here are some things that you can do to get in my good graces again:

1. Win. It sounds complex, I know, but isn't that hard. I mean, the Tennessee Titans are doing it every week and we all know that THEY can't be better than us.

2. Paint my car burgundy with gold trim and require each starting Redskin to paint their own original picture on the hood and doors. Don't worry; I have an SUV so there's plenty of room.

3. Have the team clean my apartment. I win by not having to do it myself (or beg Patriots Boyfriend to do it for me) and you win by finding a unique punishment for the team members who screwed up on Sunday night.

4. Give referree Jeff Triplett a noogie for me. Not only will I enjoy it, but fans everywhere will. He kinds sucks as a ref, doesn't he? I bet that if you get fined, Tom Cruise's best gal pal will pay you back. He loves it when people are jerks...especially him!

You may choose any of my suggestions. I don't have a preference.

Get Better at Coaching Soon!


P.S. The Seahawks suck. If we lose to them, you're dead to me. If we beat them, though, it means nothing because we SHOULD beat them. Beat the Giants and maybe people will like you again.


Anonymous said...

...and we all know that THEY can't (BE) better than us.

Redskin Super Fangirl could use a proof reader or perhaps a qualified editor.

Karen said...

Maybe your mom could use a proofreader or a qualified editor. Shmuck.