28 November 2010

For Serious, Dude

Dear Joey Galloway,

Guess who has two thumbs and isn't sad to see you released?  THIS GIRL!  What will I not miss the most about you?  How you couldn't catch the effing football.  For serious, dude.  By the way, as established, you're super old, so don't you think that it's about time to shorten "Joey" to "Joe"?  You're not Sonny Jurgensen, for God's sakes; besides, it's not like we can call him "Son Jurgensen."  It just won't work.

Anyway, I'm gonna get back to watching this game, but I just wanted to tell you to retire like you should have done a few years ago--or go play for the Cowboys.  Whichever.

Peace out, cub scout,


02 November 2010

Let's All Vote NO Today

Dear Mike Shanahan,

Question:  Does Karen think that bringing JaMarcus Russell to Washington, DC to do anything more strenuous than lift a cup of Purple Drank a good idea?  Answer:  No!  No, no, NO! A million times NO!

I'm confused because I'm pretty sure that April Fools' Day is on April 1st every year and it never ever falls on November 2nd, but is there any other explanation for this atrocity?!  I know that Donovan McNabb hasn't been the best quarterback that the Redskins have ever seen, but he's kind of the best that we've seen in a long time (sorry, Jason Campbell, but I'm not going to lie).  He had that 45-yard run which was pretty sweet, you gotta admit.  Right?  Right?  So why are you having Russell practice with the team?  WHY?!

Hamstring issues aside, you can't possibly think that JaMarcus Russell is better than McNabb.  It just doesn't make sense.  The Oakland Raiders cut him!  They think that Jason Campbell is a better player than Russell (again, sorry, Jason)!!!  Even allowing that the Raiders suck and don't really know how to build a team anymore, isn't it likely that they know to drop the deadest of the dead weights (if it's unclear, I'm saying that Russell is that weight).  I'll even take Rex Grossman over Russell and we all saw what he did on Sunday--and it wasn't pretty.

Haven't you punished us enough with Joey "Wait-you-want-me-to-catch-the-ball?" Galloway and Stephon "I-got-your-penalties-right-here" Heyer?  Why must you threaten us with Mr. Purple Drank himself?

Voting NO on Russell this Election Day,