21 October 2008

Please Take My Threats Seriously

Dear Clinton Portis,

Congratulations on having 818 yards in seven games...that's pretty cool!

You know what's not cool, though, CP? FUMBLING. Yeah, I said it. You don't get a free pass from me just because Phil Dawson missed that field goal and no points were scored off of your horrendous error. If that field goal was made, we probably would have ended the game in overtime and perhaps LOST the game.

You're lucky that our defense is so great (shout out to London Fletcher!). I hope that in the future you'll remember that you're not God, you CAN drop the ball, and you should always keep two arms around the ball. Preferably your arms.

Now get out there, do your thing and don't screw up again or I won't vote for you for the Pro Bowl. Yes, I'm threatening you. Do your worst!



P.S. Can you try to beat the record for most rushing yards in a season? The record was made in 1984 by Eric Dickerson with 2105. To get 2106 yards, you'll need to average 143.1 yards a game for the rest of the season. I believe in you. One of my buddies at work doesn't, though, so let's prove him wrong!


Mike Stanton said...

thanks for finding the eric dickerson stats, i was going to be researching that myself but you beat me to the punch. Also versus the Lions (skins 9 point favs) Portis should easily get 143.1 yards or more, because the Lions are ranked worse then the bengals in espn nfl rankings thats how bad they are. Redskins are 5th though.

Karen said...

You know who else was a "bad" team, Mike? The RAMS. Let's not assume victory because you'll make an ass out of yourself...but not of me! Because I'm great!