03 October 2008

The Media is Jinxing Us!

Dear Jim Zorn,

You may be wondering why I'm writing to you today; after all, I already congratulated you on Monday and you haven't screwed up anything in the past four days...that I know about. So why am I writing?

Because you need to look out. The media is jinxing the Redskins like crazy. All I'm seeing are headlines like, "Redskins ride turnover-free football to 3-1 record," "Redskins May Be Around For the Long Haul," and "Masters of disguise: Redskins defense confounds quarterbacks." I don't know what is worse: this blatant jinxing or the headlines that call us the "surprising" Redskins. Which are we? Masters of disguise or just plain lucky?

I'm not sure how you can plan against the bad luck that may befall you, but that's not my job...you're the one paid millions of dollars to figure this out. I will be happy to take a percentage from you for my problem-solving abilities, though. If you're hiring. (I live just a few miles from Redskins Park, so I'll never be late!)

Also, don't let your players start thinking that just because they beat the Cowboys they can just show up and beat everyone else. I know that Vinny Cerrato told Larry Michael on Reskins Nation that the players aren't thinking like that, but I don't trust him. He's too buddy-buddy with Dan Snyder, someone else that I don't trust. (Hmm...maybe Mom was right when she said that people judge you by who you hang out with. That's not good news for me: my friends are drunks and fascists!). That actually reminds me of something else I disapprove of! You let Dan Snyder HUG you! Don't even try to deny it because I saw it live on TV! I'm afraid this means that you've made a deal with the devil and I don't know how I feel about that. I mean, on one hand, it means that we should have an awesome season, but on the other hand, Satan's deals are never good for anyone but him.

In conclusion, do not be friends with Snyder because you'll be sad when he fires you. Also, make sure the 'Skins play well on Sunday. I'd personally appreciate Chris Cooley getting the ball a lot to help my Fantasy Football score. Right now I'm 2-2. Boo hoo.



No comments: