13 October 2008

The Only Turnovers I Like Have Apples in Them!

Dear Jim Zorn,

The Rams? Seriously? You gave up a game to the RAMS? Yesterday's only bright side was the Cowboys' loss to Arizona. Even though you already sort of know what you did wrong, here's a helpful reminder:

Problem #1: Durant Brooks, Punter. Can we even call him a punter? Maybe we should change his title to "Rams' Secret Weapon".

Problem #2: Pete Kendall, Guard. Well, he didn't guard us against a touchdown, did he? Nope. Sure didn't. I kind of feel bad for this guy, but I feel worse that we lost so he'll be getting a letter this week, too.

Problem #3: Turnovers. This goes back to Kendall, Campbell, and Coooooley. I'm still simmering over this, since we were the only team without offensive turnovers! And now we have three! Come on!

Problem #4: Arrogance. Your team went in expecting to beat the horns off the Rams, and instead they are the ones who got gored (do you like what I did there with the horns thing? Okay, never mind). Every team has the potential to beat you, especially when you're helping by beating yourselves (like with turnovers). This is what they teach you at Head Coach Camp, but apparently you had a hot date with the tanning bed on that day.

Because of your loss, I will increase my weekly letters from two to a gazillion (or...I don't know...five?).

Still Angry with You,


P.S. You should thank Incognito for that 15-yard penalty at the end. I'm not talking to him; even though he did his best to help us win, it didn't work, we still lost and he's still a major jerk.

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