01 December 2008

Bet You Want to Know What We Call Mangini and Reid!

Dear Jim Zorn,

I made a list of all the crappy things that your guys did yesterday, but I don't have it on me right now so I guess that I'll have to wing it. Kinda like what you did yesterday with your playbook.

We are never going to make the playoffs if we can't convert on third downs!!!! I simply do not understand why Jason Campbell throws to players inside the first down line when we're on third down. It makes absolutely no sense. Even if one of our guys catches the ball, he's usually brought down immediately, making sure that we have to punt the ball away.

Here's another problem: Shaun Suisham. I know that it's easy to blame things on the kicker (remember: kickers aren't people like us), but it's especially easy when he misses a field goal in almost every game. I've defended him for too long and you know what I've gotten out of it? Not field goals. He's missed eight field goals this season, and missed one in each of the last three games. That's a 72.4% success rate which translates to a D+ in Fairfax County Public Schools. That's the best that you guys can do? A D+? Awesome.

And how about those penalties? There's nothing better when you're losing than to shoot yourself in the foot, too. Kind of like when the Redskins are losing and I try to pick a fight with Patriots Boyfriend even though he won't fight with me when I have the craaaazy eyes (It's fun...I say things like Eric Mangini is a great guy and Bill Belichick is a terrible person and a cheater...which reminds me that Patriots Boyfriend wants the world to know that he hates Mangini with a fiery passion, but I can't repeat here what he calls him because it's wildly inappropriate. I said it about Andy Reid yesterday, though, and I don't think that Patriots Boyfriend had ever been so proud of me).

Sigh. You disappoint me very much, Zorn.

Keeping from Weeping,


P.S. Heard on WMZQ this morning from DJ Brian Egan (regarding Malcolm Kelly and how he and the "young guys" can't catch any balls: "He can't even catch a cold!" I laughed.


Bears Fan said...

Your kicker is a D+? That is sad, and you have my condolences.

Now that's the bad news. The good news is that this post was as hilarious as the post before it was touching.

You are the Redskins Fan. Now go get a plug on WMZQ.

Karen said...

Suck up.

Bears Fan said...

I heard Plexico Burress was jealous of all the attention the late Sean Taylor was getting and wanted to have the same for himself. Is that true?

Karen said...

It's true that he wants all Sean Taylor's attention, but the nightclub thing WAS an accident. Next week he'll pay some hooligans to break into his house and shoot him. No word yet on whether he'll make it or not; he won't get as much attention if he doesn't die, but if he's dead he won't get to enjoy it so it's a tough decision for him to make.