16 December 2008

At Least JMU Made it to the Playoffs

Dear Chris Cooley,

Dude. I can't believe that you fumbled so early in that game. Why do you want to hurt me? Is it because I said that Clinton Portis is my favorite player? You're almost definitely number two, so I don't believe that I should be punished this way.

I started off my weekend by driving down to Harrisonburg and wound up watching the JMU Dukes lose to the Montana Stupid Grizzlies in the Division 1AA Semi-Finals; I thought that all those turnovers from the Dukes would be the worst football I'd see all weekend. Then I watched you guys on Sunday afternoon and discovered how wrong I was. I mean, at least JMU made it to the playoffs and one of their players (Scotty McGee) has a drink named after him. Do you have a drink named after you, Cooooooley? Answer: nope. I googled it and came up with squat ("McGee" ingredients: 1 shot vodka, 1 shot cranberry juice, 8 oz. ginger ale; "McGee" streetname: "JMU Ginger").

Anyway, Cooooooley, before you wonder whether this letter is really just to brag about my college team being better than you guys, let me just say that it is. Wonder no more.

Your fumble, though, gave momentum to the Bengals and they held on for the rest of the game. So, thanks for that fumble. And thanks for taking away our playoff chances. I mean, even Shaun Suisham made his field goals! Ryan Plackemeier had some awesome punts, too! Everything else mostly sucked, though. All because you gave our momentum away. I suppose that it was a nice early Christmas present to Cincinatti, but what are they giving us this year? Probably not a win. You screwed us in this gift exchange. Since you can't make it up to me by getting us into the playoffs, you can make it up another way: Christmas cheer and lots of it (also known as egg nog and buckets of rum) delivered to my apartment.

Waiting on my "Cheer,"


P.S. I'm glad that I gave up on Fantasy Football because I'm betting that you would have gotten me negative points this week.

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