22 November 2009

You Don't Deserve Poetry

Dear Shaun Suisham,

You're the worst.  You don't deserve poetry, but I'm in a rhyming mood.  Ahem.

Ode to Shaun Suisham

Although it pains me that you haven't been fired
I must write about the events that have transpired
The only way to ensure that I will not curse
Is to put all of my feelings into verse

For when it comes to kickers in this world
You are far worse than a five-year old girl
Of your performance today I am ashamed
Yet not surprised that you are so lame

Since kickers aren't people and their feelings don't count
I don't regret the campaign that I'm about to mount
If Zorn doesn't want to hear any more of my lip
All he must do is give you a pink slip

Or perhaps I shouldn't be approaching Jim
Since he's busy pretending that he can win
But if I had to choose between his job or yours
You can bet that you'd be kicked out the door

Of all the games you could lose for us
You had to wait until we finally played Dallas
Two missed field goals make me want to cry
I always knew that you were a Cowboy spy

Something to give thanks for during this week
Is that we have seven days before we'll be beat
But I still have hope in my heart that we can win
As long as your D.C. career is at it's necessary end.

I think that I've made myself clear.

Disgusted with you,



Anonymous said...

I can't believe you didn't take advantage of the opportunity to use the word "phallus" to rhyme with "Dallas." It would have been infinitely better than "for us." For this heinous instance of unnecessary slant rhyme, I say WORST POEM EVER, KAREN!

Karen said...


Though you, too, do not deserve a rhyme
I will force myself to make the time
To say this blog is rated PG
And none of your "phallus" talk is for me

When children come across this happy place
I don't want them to find a "phallus" in their face
This blog should warm their precious Redskins souls
And not frighten them with what goes up Cowboys' holes

Mike Stanton said...

Wow, pretty poetic. Man and to think acouple days ago i told the gf i wanted a suisham jersey. Maybe one day he will hang from the rafters, too bad the game was in dallas instead of dc or he would be still hanging from the rafters lol. That game was pathetic.

Karen said...


Though I admire your intensity
For murder you appear to have a propensity
It's quite disturbing to tell the truth
But I'll attribute it to your misplaced youth

While you're here and I have your attention
There is something that I feel I must mention
Your punctuation and grammar are truly the worst
Before you submit, use a grammar check first