31 October 2009

Cool Name. Plus Five.

Dear Jim Zorn,

I’m back to comment on the Redskins current rankings!  I know that you’re just as thrilled as I am.  Mostly I’m glad that today is about pointing out what we as a team are doing well.  Too many of my letters recently have been negative and while there are valid reasons for that (like, we’re one of the worst teams in the NFL), it disappoints me when I have to criticize.  I don’t like doing that.  I much prefer the letters that I wrote at the beginning of the 2008-09 season when I was, perhaps, less witty but enthusiastic with my praise.

Anyway, let’s get started:

Field Goals Made (tied for 1st/32):  Okay, before I get into the praising portion of this letter, let me say that this one statistic isn’t the only thing that we should be looking at in regards to Shaun Suisham.  We also have to look at the fact that he’s a Canadian (fail) and, slightly less importantly, he is SECOND-TO-LAST in the NFL for kickoff kickers.  Though our ability to score three points when our offense can’t make it into the red zone is pretty necessary to get any points on the board, having a kicker who can kick the ball right where we need it is way more important.  A good kicker gives the opposing team horrible starting field position and Suisham doesn’t cut it.  Which leads me into (finally) something we’re good at:

Kickoff Return Average (1st/32):  I realize that the complaint above would lead some to think that the Redskins’ opponents must start on our side of the field, BUT luckily our Special Teams are around to prevent opposing teams to capitalize on Suisham’s failings.  Well…they don’t always prevent them, but being in first place is good enough for me.

Fourth Down Percentage / Red Zone Percentage (2nd/32):  See, our defense does pretty well in general, but here are two categories where we’re exceptionally good; when the opposing team only needs a few yards to get the first down or the touchdown, we stop them more than almost every other team.  Can you imagine how many points would be scored on us if our red zone defense wasn’t so stellar?

Passing Yards Per Game (3rd/32) and Yards Per Game (5th/32):  Basically, our pass coverage is awesome thanks to players like Chris Horton, LaRon Landry, and Fred Smoot, but our ground coverage isn’t nearly so good—we’re 24th in the league for Rushing Yards Per Game allowed.  Since we appear to have the pass coverage down, why not focus a little on the rest, Zorn?  Probably I should be writing to Greg Blache about that, but really, aren’t you his boss?  Can’t you pass along the word?  What is it that you do over there now???

Sacks (6th/32): Thank Andre Carter for this one.  The way that he took down Donovan McNabb on Monday night made me want to bake him some cookies.  But then we lost the game and I lost the urge.  Still, it was pretty epic.

London Fletcher: Okay, he wasn’t on the list, but I should point out here that he leads the NFL in tackles for the season.  And he has a cool name.  Plus five for that.

There you go, Jim Zorn.  A (mostly) positive letter.  Enjoy it, because it’ll probably be the last one that you see until your good bye letter at the end of the season.

Happy reading over the bye week,


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