04 April 2010

I Can't Believe That Jesus Died For This

Dear Donovan McNabb,

Thanks for ruining my Easter, jerkface.  I wanted to find the best possible way to let you know my true feelings about you becoming a Redskin, but I simply don't have the time to drive up to Philadelphia and nail my version of Martin Luther's "95 Theses" to your door.  Do you know what I do have time for, though?  That's right, a poem.  Because that's how I roll, sucker.

Once upon a time in the land of D.C.
Redskins fans everywhere had the same dream
That Shanahan and Allen wouldn't ruin our season
But what they've done seems more like treason

Sure, we might be lacking in the quarterback position
But it doesn't excuse this terrible decision
The only players who are worse than Donovan McNabb
Are probably just the ones that we already have

Signing Rex Grossman was a horrible call
But trading for McNabb is the worst one of all
The only thing that could make me sicker
Is getting Shaun Suisham back as our kicker

Who in Hell wants McNabb on their team?
(Obviously, I'm angered to the extreme)
His past performance is not that of legends
Why should we take Philly's sloppy seconds?

I wish that I had a hot tub time machine
To go back to Coach Gibbs and the 1980s
And forget this Easter and everything gone amiss
Because I can't believe that Jesus died for this.

Happy Stinkin' Easter,


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