17 September 2008

Please Don't Post Your Junk Online

Dear Chris Cooley,

This morning I visited the Drudge Report as I do every morning and saw a link titled, "NFL Player Posts Photo of His Genitals on Website". Hovering over the link, I saw that it said something about "local 6 news" so I assumed that it couldn't be a Redskin because we don't have a channel 6 in the DC area. I almost didn't click on the link because I don't care about NFL players' genitalia and I figured that it was some no-name player from another team.

I was so very wrong. The first thing I read when I clicked on the link was "Redskins tight end" and I KNEW IT WAS YOU.

I'm appalled. Not that you accidentally posted your junk on the world wide web, but that it happened because you were studying materials, given to you by Coach Zorn, in the nude. Who studies in the nude? I went to college for five years and I never once did that. Also, if I HAD studied nude, I never would have gotten a camera out to take pictures of study materials on my lap where people might get a better view than I'd like. I'm assuming the materials were on your lap, but please don't correct me if I'm wrong. I don't want to think about this ever again.

In the future, Chris Cooley, please refrain from studying nude and taking pictures and then posting them for the entire world to see. Also, you're on my fantasy team, so can you get Campbell to get you the ball more?



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